Dec. 23, 1999

Vacation Minus One and Counting

I think the packing is under control. Mostly just clothes are left, and that doesn't take long. Throw all the stuff I want to take onto the bed.. hang half of it back up.. and I'm set.

Hubby will pack his two shirts and one pair of shorts, his toothbrush and razor, and say he's done. Ha.

Younger son is like me.. busy sorting his CD's and other forms of entertainment, his beauty aids (gel, cologne.. I told him, no cologne in the car!) and clothes clothes clothes. I had to take him for a haircut and colouring (he bleaches the top, sigh) after school today. No wonder I don't miss not having a daughter.

And speaking of family.. (nice segue, as the comedians say)

My cousin is in town.

I know this because yesterday I saw her "whois" on my IRC program, and it had a Montreal address instead of the usual California one. I had tracked her down on Undernet as much as a couple of years ago, after her sister gave me her nickname and favourite channel. She seemed glad to see me but.. as usual it fizzled out.

I have five first cousins, all older than I am, all on my father's side. Four of us are only children, and there is one pair of sisters. Not a large family at all. My father is the only surviving parent of the bunch. These cousins are spread all over North America.. California, New York, Toronto, Calgary. They keep in touch with my father, as they did with the other uncles and aunts when they were alive. They keep in touch with each other too.. except for me. Oh when I see them at funerals or parties, they're friendly, but it never goes beyond that. I have absolutely no idea why. None.

If it was just anybody, I'd write them off and try not to dwell on it. But it's family, and I have very little of that as it is. It bothers me that there's almost nobody I still know who remembers me as a child. It's almost as if that child will no longer exist when nobody remembers her.

I think I have made my feelings clear to them. They promise to keep in touch but it doesn't happen. I'm pretty much at a loss as to what to do next, and I'm afraid I'm just going to have to accept the status quo.

All right, enough negative energy.. time to concentrate on what I do have, and to rearrange my mind so I don't miss cyberspace while I'm away. Fresh air. Focusing my eyes father than 12 inches from my face. No snow. The beach!! Seashells and salt air. Books, music, a pad and pencil and a camera. Seeing Dad. Spending time with my kids.

And best of all... NO COOKING!

Thanks to all of you for reading and encouraging me. I want to leave you with a couple of journal recommendations:

This one recently started up again after a few months' hiatus, as articulate and compelling as ever:

This one inspires me to want to go back to school and study English:

Of course I want you to miss me a little, and look for me again second week of January!

Happy holidays and a great non-millennial New Year to you all!

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