Nov. 28, 1999


Ever since I can remember, one of the most important things to me was having friends.

I am an only child and was frequently lonely as a little girl. Also frequently sick with asthma, which wasn't as easily treatable in the 1950s. Most active kids just left me behind in the dust.

My first best friend was Marilyn. I met her in my back yard my first day out after having the measles. Her family had moved into the house whose yard abutted ours. She was ten and I was only seven, but our maturities met somewhere in the middle and we were close for many years. Eventually we drifted apart, and she moved to British Columbia and married an older widower.

My next best friend was Judy, whom I met on holiday in the Laurentians when I was eleven or twelve. She was a year younger than I and my mother never really liked her much.. she said Judy had a jealous streak. Judy was the one I stayed up nights with on the phone, the one I shared all my crushes with, went to parties with. Unfortunately my mother was right.. when I began to date before Judy did, the friendship abruptly ended. She got her revenge (?) by marrying well before I did, and moving to Ohio.

I almost forgot about Lori, who was only in town for two years, senior high and freshman college. We double dated for the "Grad Dance" (Prom). I sometimes try to look for her online but I have little to go on. She transferred to a college in New Brunswick, then married and moved to Shefferville (ie, Middle-of-Nowhere) Quebec, a town which I don't think still exists.

After that the trail of girlfriends runs cold for many years. I preferred platonic male friends. I was the one they told all their troubles to. It probably was good training for having sons.

Right now I have three close women friends "in real life", but I met my very best friend online almost four years ago. We have since visited personally but still communicate mostly by email. Every single day without fail, barring vacations. She doesn't know the meaning of envy or jealousy. She is kind, loving, intelligent, and generous. She understands. She is the friend I always dreamed of, as a young girl. I am so lucky to have found Stephanie.


Speaking of friends..

I received a beautiful gift today, in my email box. Totally unexpected, which makes it all the more charming.

Rien, who writes the Reality Asylum journal, took the time to create this photograph which now proudly adorns my Home. I'm not sure what's more lovely, the photo itself or the thought and effort behind it.

It replaces a graphic, designed for me by Sasha (I'd Rather Eat Glass) which is now on the bio page. It amazes me that strangers, whom I now think of as friends, would do these things for me.

(It also made me wonder how badly my own designs sucked.. kind of like, if someone gives you perfumed soap, does it mean that you stink? But I quickly banished those negative thoughts!)

There's also a third "inertia" logo in progress (to be unveiled soon) created by Iko (the Mind's I) during an IRC chat session on #journals.

Hmmm maybe I really DO need help??

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