Oct. 14, 1999

Something in the Way She Mooo's..

Attracts Me Like No Udder Lover..

Canada.. the country whose bureaucrats have wayyyyyy too much time on their hands.

Proof of the above came this week in the following news item, which I saw in our daily paper, the Gazette, but is referenced here from the National Post. (The entire article is there but I don't know how long they'll keep it up, and I've quoted most of it anyway.)

OTTAWA - Federal bureaucrats have told the Central Experimental Farm in Ottawa to stop giving cows female names -- such as Stephanie, Mildred or Sophia -- after receiving a complaint the names are offensive to some women.

(The Central Experimental Farm is an agricultural research facility, with areas open to the public as a sort of farm museum. Very popular with children.)

"There had been a complaint raised that somebody was called Stephanie and a cow was called Stephanie," said Michelle Dondo-Tardiff, director of the Agriculture Museum. "It was somebody that complained to [the head of museums] verbally."

"A" complaint. One. Not even in writing. Verbal. They change their entire naming policy because of one old cow I mean woman named Stephanie who has no sense of humour. Conversely, try to have any government agency address a real problem, such as putting a speed bump on your street or a stop light near the school, and well, forget it, no matter how many thousands of names you get on the petition!

Ms. Dondo-Tardiff said the complaint resulted in a directive that all new names for cows be "non-people names," such as Rhubarb, Dynamite or Darling. The policy is expected to spread to other barns, too, affecting pigs and other animals.

Oh darn, no wildebeests named Paulineee. I'm crushed.

Genevive Ste-Marie, director of the National Museum of Science and Technology Corporation, which oversees the agricultural museum, said she requested the name change. She said it was inappropriate to give the dairy cows common people names.

Since when? Since someone complained? It's MORE inappropriate to waste taxpayers money implementing idiotic changes like this! Not to mention the confusion at feeding time.. Remember, Bessie needs her double dose of antibiotic and hormones today! Bessie? You mean Bossie? No, Bossie used to be Bernice...

"Animals should have their own names, and some people are in fact sensitive to finding their name on an animal," she said. "I am, for example, personally. Let's say you came in and you found your name on a cow and you thought the cow was old and ugly."

Let's say I went to the rest home and found my name on a woman there, and I thought she was old and ugly.. would they change her name too? (No, they'd cart me away to the looney bin!)

And furthermore, there IS a Canadian cow named after me... sort of. A young Ontario farmer I met on IRC once named two newborn calves after another channel member and me. The cow's name is "Gwen", the nick I was using at the time. But it's MY cow. And I'm darn proud of it.

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