July 2, 2004
To Be Continued!
This is my 413th entry.
This is also the fifth anniversary of Inertia.
It's almost tempting to say, what a good time to pack it in.
But I'm not.
I keep telling myself to rename it Sporadica but then I'd probably write more often just to annoy myself.
I needed the hiatus, I guess. Nothing really brought it on, unless feeling better counts.
The therapy I began in March has done a world of good for my mood. I haven't felt this optimistic in well over a year.
Now we (Howard - the therapist - and I) are working on the, um, inertia.
I have started to address the disorder in my home, I have applied for a job and will continue to do so until I find what I want, and the idea of moving out is working its way back into my medium-term plans.
I admit, I'm all too comfortable with the situation as it is.
So, I've crawled my way back up to where I was two years ago before I began working at the bank.
That job wasn't right for me for a variety of reasons.
It recently occurred to me that I approach job hunting in my fifties the same way I approached husband-hunting in my twenties:
Start with the premise I'm unlovable/unemployable.
Grab any opportunity that comes my way no matter how inappropriate.
Twist myself inside out to make it fit.
When it doesn't work, wonder why.
I want a part-time job (to start - full time later on) probably in a school or hospital.
Lots of jobs become available at the local school board.
If that doesn't work out, soon I'll go further afield to other boards, to the junior colleges and universities, and hospitals.
I even have some contacts in some of those places.
The for-profit sector is not for me.
My education and all my other work and volunteer experience is in the non-profit sector.
Besides, their employees are unionized and make a wage that's in line with reality, unlike the wage that the Famous Tax Company offered me.
In fact, Rob recently worked for a few weeks as a unit coordinator in a hospital for exactly twice that salary.
Back where I was two years ago… when the disappointment over not being able to handle the job was quickly followed by… you know.
Maybe it shouldn't have derailed me for this long but it did.
It took some therapy to help me over the final bump.
Actual therapy, as opposed to counselling, which is much more pleasant but, for me, not as effective for things like this.
Maybe I'll describe that particular session in a future entry, or maybe I won't.
My inclination is to move on but I do want to chronicle the therapy process some, for myself and others.
So we'll see.
In other news:
Mark expects to graduate Junior College in a few months, and, with NO parental prompting whatsoever, had decided to apply to University!
That's something I didn't think was in his future.
He was always a barely mediocre student, except for math which he was always good at.
Since he's gone back to college full time (about a year ago) he's been pulling 80s and 90s!
This summer he has a part time job and he's taking a summer course that he needs to make up the university prerequisite.
This is beyond what I would have hoped for when I wrote this entry back in 1999.
…which brings me to the anniversary topic.
Five years. Over 400 entries.
Hiatuses (hiati?) sure but it's always here for me when I come back.
I'm trying to think of something profound to say for the occasion but coming up empty.
It really is all good.
To be continued!
One year ago:
Two years ago:
No anniversary entry
Three years ago:
Four years ago:
Five years ago:
Graphics courtesy of