December 16, 2003
Self Control, Direction, Drive, Focus...
Something I don't have nearly enough of.
I could sit here and try to figure out WHY that's so; come up with a bunch of excuses; blame it all on my mother.
Or I could skip all that and instead, try to work out a program for myself.
Figure out where I'm okay and where I need improvement.
Formulate GOALS, yes, goals.
Break the goals down into objectives, smaller steps, whatever. I vaguely remember such a concept from the administration classes I took 25 years ago.
There was more, such as establishing a way to monitor progress but I'm afraid that would be too much of a shock to my system.
Two main areas of my life are frustrating me at the moment.
One is the state of my house. Even though it got me into print, it's pretty disgusting.
I COULD spend some of the $200 I earned on hiring a cleaning service but it's not so much the cleaning as the clutter.
If it were only a matter of dusting and vacuuming, I could do that myself or guilt-trip another household member into doing it.
But the clutter is MINE ALL MINE (mostly) and the one thing worse than having clutter is having someone else move it someplace where you don't know where it is.
If I had been in charge of a project such as putting a man on the moon, it never would have happened. The enormity of it is so overwhelming, I don't know where to start.
What's in the clutter? Papers mostly.
Bowling stat debris.
Tax course crud.
Bank statements and miscellaneous bill stubs.
Papers left over from my father's estate which isn't totally wrapped up yet and I keep meaning to call the accountant about that...
Several bags of stuff (mostly office supply kind of things) I brought home from my father's apartment in May 2001 when they were cleaning it out and didn't have the heart to go through at the time.
Stuff all over the dining room table, much of it in small boxes: photographs, penguin figurines I boxed up the last time the Demon Spawn visited, an electronics graveyard with various cords, wires, cables, old radios, old phones, old earphones, etc.
Big pile of office/school supplies behind the sofa, originally piled up neatly but now in disarray.
A box of stuff that was in my old car when it died last June.
And that's just the living room/dining room.
The front hallway has a little clutter but nothing serious; the other major problem areas are my side of the bedroom (which I still use to store clothes and do hair and make-up since I don't have a mirror or a bathroom downstairs) and my cave downstairs.
My cave is okay in the major traffic areas (computer, tv chair, bed) but has problems around the edges. Big problems.
I know I should do a little every day.
It just doesn't happen.
It's not like I'm TOO BUSY - I have plenty of time.
I can just usually think of plenty other things I'd rather be doing.
Hence, lack of discipline.
The other main area of frustration is my failure to get around to reading and writing except in very small doses.
Not necessarily writing for this journal; just writing something, anything.
I should be doing that every day.
Yesterday and today have been better; hence this entry and some notes about ideas for other entries or articles.
The problem is maintaining some level of effort over time.
Is there a pill for this?
Watch out Weird Al.. the Electric Amish have arrived with such hits as "Barn to be Wild" and "I Want to Hoe Your Land".
Bound to be Stephanie's new favourite band.
Graphics courtesy of