June 6, 2003

Love and Such

Okay so I'm paranoid.

What I anticipated in my last entry, the dramatic confrontations and discussions, never materialized.
Still, I contend that after what went on with Brother-In-Law when he found out about the separation, my concerns were realistic.

At the end of last weekend I asked the kids if their cousin spoke to them about the marriage, and he hadn't.
I asked the Housemate the same thing; again, no.
"Did he try to talk and you just told him you didn't want to?"
"He didn't even try?"
"Are you sure he knows about it?"
Yes, we spoke on the phone a few weeks ago.

A little more light was shed on this by Rob, who happened to mention to me that he overheard Nephew's wife whispering to him while they were visiting our home on Saturday.
She kept asking Nephew if he had "talked" to Housemate.
Nephew kept saying, "talked about WHAT?"
She finally gave up.

I guess when she looked at me and said, "What's new?" I wasn't imagining the meaningful expression on her face.

Thus, in keeping with this theme and also the fact that today happens to be my (our?) twenty-seventh wedding anniversary, I have little choice but to answer this week's Friday Five:

1. How many times have you truly been in love?

Answering that would presume I've discovered what "being in love" is.
I'm not sure I even really believe in the concept anymore.

I believe in falling in love and all the psychotic craziness that goes with it. But that doesn't always lead to BEING in love.
You can also wake up one day and realize that you love someone even though there was no discernible transition from there to here.
I don't know if loving in that way qualifies as BEING in love.

The closest I've come to a definition that works for me is, that I care for the person despite all reasonable evidence that should cause me not to.
Yet I still can't put a definite number to it.
Two? Three? Not more than that, certainly.

2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?

Well, nothing I can put into words. It just WAS. I can list his virtues - intelligent, handsome, charming, passionate, romantic, caring - but that applies to many people whom I did not fall in love with.

There was plenty wrong with him too, but they didn't ask about that.

Writing the above brought back a memory from the last time I saw him, around nine or ten years ago.
He saw fit to give me a lecture about going back to school.
He said something like, you can't continue to get by only on potential.
Also, something like I wouldn't be an appropriate partner for him down the road without continuing my education.
Of course we were both married to other people at the time so that issue was kind of moot.
Not to mention the abusive nature of the discussion. I like to forget about that side of him but it existed and probably kept us from ever really getting together.

I broke off contact with him after that, only to resume it by email a few years later. When I asked him how he could say those things to me, he only answered that he was "scared". Whatever that means.

The irony is, I am still getting by on potential, but he isn't getting by - at all.

And to think the original question was, what is so great about him. I certainly answered that, didn't I!

3. What qualities should a significant other have?

The ability to not annoy me.
That's not as easy as it sounds, especially around this time of month.

4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?

Oh probably. Not that they didn't deserve it...
No, I'm joking.

Jeremy and I broke each other's hearts several times. I might have broken Housemate's (if he had one) not now but way back when we were dating and I broke it off for awhile.
No others that I'm aware of.

5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?

Not that I'm the big expert (see all of the above) but I'd say concentrate on friendship and respect. Those don't guarantee love, but love can't prosper without them.

Linque Du Jour:   Juno Beach Centre
Back in the day, Canada had a REAL armed forces.
This is the website of the Juno Memorial, “A Learning Centre and Tribute to Canadians”.
Both the website and the Centre officially opened today, the 59th anniversary of D-Day.

For more on D-Day and Canada's role, see this CBC News report.

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