May 31, 2003

Unworkable

Usually when I don't update here it's because I don't have anything to say.
I feel that way when I'm depressed, mostly.

Lately it hasn't been like that - I do have things to say (nothing major, just the usual stuff) and am writing entries in my head but somehow they don't find their way in here.
I guess that's progress of some sort.

For instance this week has been busy:

On Tuesday Rob had his wisdom teeth extracted. He's recovering well but he was not too happy for the first day or two afterwards.

On Wednesday I had my annual bowling banquet. Even though I hardly bowled this year I continued to do stats for the league and attended when I could. The banquet is an all-day affair because I'm one of the signers on the league's account at the bank, so have to attend when the prize money is withdrawn, and then help sort it into the prize envelopes.

The event itself takes about four hours because after a leisurely meal (this year in an Italian place, mmmm) we have a leisurely meeting which is 1% league business, 49% giving out prize money and prize pins and badges provided by the WIBC, and 50% trying to get the ladies to shut up and pay attention!

These are mostly seniors and seniors, if they've survived that long, have learned that they don't HAVE to shut up if they don't want to. In that way they are worse than children.
I bring my lunch mother whistle to these affairs and I'm not afraid to use it!

Thursday was Mark's birthday - 22. Sigh.

Our gift to him the past few years has been two season tickets to the Montreal Alouettes football games, so that was taken care of.
The poor deprived child picked up his own birthday cake (chosen by him and the Girlfriend) because his rotten mother was so distracted by bleeding Rob and the bowling ladies.
(Now THERE is an awesome band name!!!)

The Girlfriend (formerly known as the UN-girlfriend) showered him with gifts and attention, including a gorgeous glass chess set and a homemade scrapbook of photos and ticket stubs and such from their first year together.
Most of which was as "friends", not dating, but she kept it all anyway.

They are SO cute. I hope it lasts.

Which brings us to today (Saturday)...
I think that, as I write this, my kids are being grilled on the state of their parents' marriage.

Which is functionally very over.

Almost every day I wonder how I put up with him and why, for so long.
Well I know why but that's another entry.

He admits (by his actions and occasionally even verbally) that  he has no interest in reconciling. Other than that I don't know what his plans are.
Lately when he's annoyed with me he has developed the habit of calling me by his late sister's name.
He blamed his sister for all that's ever gone wrong in his family. He considered her a meddler and a troublemaker and he says the older I get the more I am like her.
Sure, whatever. I really don't care.

So a few weeks ago we received an invitation to a family Bar Mitzvah.
Housemate's nephew's son.
This nephew ("Nephew A") is the older brother of the nephew ("Nephew B") who lives in upstate NY and whose family we have been fairly close with; they are the ones who have stayed at our home several times.

Nephew A is nothing like his brother - he is like the majority of Housemate's family.  Totally psychotic.

Since our separation (September 2001) there have been several family events, the most recent being a wedding this past November. I have attended them all under protest.
At first it was because I didn't want to upset Nephew B, whose mother fell ill and died about two weeks after our separation. I wrote about that at the time.

But as time went on, Housemate didn't bother to let anyone except one brother know about what was going on here.
I gradually told my friends and then the community.
I gave him enough time to tell people and if it gets back to them through gossip, well it's not my fault.

The reason I went to the wedding in November was that my kids were invited too and if I hadn't gone they would have looked for a way out of it, which wouldn't have been appropriate since it was their first cousin. So I took the path of least resistance yet again.
But I put my foot down with this Bar Mitzvah.

Nephew A, the father, is one of the most creepy people I have ever known.
I don't want to go into specific detail because you never know who's going to find this journal, but he is a mess.

For instance: four years ago, when then-Hubby was sitting shiva for his older brother who had just died of cancer, in the living room of the Shiva House, Nephew A invited me to sit on his lap. "Let's make Hubby jealous," he said.
I debated over whether to tell then-Hubby about it, and decided to. Typically, he couldn't have cared less but that's part of another story.

So there was no way I was going to attend this time.

The Housemate, in typical passive-aggressive fashion, decided that none of us were going, and sent back the reply card with a gift, and visited Nephew A at his work to tell him why.

The details of the "why" are fuzzy; all he will tell me is that he told Nephew A that we are in "deep shit".
This is fine, I really don't care but of course Nephew A will go running to Nephew B who will wonder why he is hearing about it this way.
I know that Housemate eventually spoke to Nephew B on the phone but know very little of what was said.

So today everyone is in town for the Bar Mitzvah which is tomorrow; Nephew B, his wife and child, my kids and the Girlfriend have gone to La Ronde, the amusement park of choice in Montreal.

Nobody is telling me anything - I don't know what to prepare myself for but if there is any unpleasantness I plan to refuse to discuss it and walk away.

I don't need this.


Linque Du Jour:   The Museum of Unworkable Devices
Self-description:

This museum is a celebration of fascinating devices that don't work. It houses diverse examples of the perverse genius of inventors who refused to let their thinking be intimidated by the laws of nature, remaining optimistic in the face of repeated failures. Watch and be amazed as we bring to life eccentric and even intricate perpetual motion machines which have remained steadfastly unmoving since their inception. Marvel at the ingenuity of the human mind, as it reinvents the square wheel in all of its possible variations. Exercise your mind to puzzle out exactly why they don't work as the inventors intended.

I don't know, it just seemed appropriate for today!



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