November 16, 2002

Disgruntled

I've been a working girl (oops I mean WOMAN) for four days and it's fabulous.
Sore achy muscles, brain overload and all.
The job is something I'm perfectly suited for, and the people are friendly.
It's all good.
And I'll write about it in some detail... but not in this entry.

This, unfortunately, is a vent, with gusts to a self-indulgent whine.
(Vent is French for wind, so that was a pun. Intended.)

Feel free to skip because the purpose of this ugliness is to get it off my chest so that maybe I can conduct myself with a modicum of grace this weekend.

Tomorrow evening one of the Housemate's nieces is getting married.
I guess that would make her my niece too but I probably wouldn't recognize her on the street, and she's lived only a few blocks away for many years.

I don't want to get too mired in family history.. the gist of it is that since before I met these people over thirty years ago, family fights lasting for decades were the norm. It trickles down from generation to generation because that's how they brought up their children.

The niece in question is the daughter of Housemate's late brother, who died of cancer three years ago. Not to be confused with the brother-in-law I occasionally mention. There was a sister as well, who died about a year ago of complications of diabetes.

The bride has an older sister whose wedding we also attended, who now has a fifteen month old baby whom we have seen twice, both times at public functions. Soon after she was born I told my sister-in-law (the Matriarch) that we would love to see the baby, please call us when she visits since we live so close.
I'm still waiting.
This is the same woman who, at family gatherings such as weddings, loves to take family photos - of HER side of the family.
Only.

I would love to skip this wedding but I don't have the balls to take a stand; rather, I have so few balls that I think I should save them for something more important.

I don't even enjoy weddings, especially when I don't know most of the people there.
I don't enjoy dressing up.
I refuse to get my hair done for this one, or get any new outfits. What I bought for Annie's daughter's wedding two years ago will do nicely.

The Housemate hates to dance, so usually when we attend these affairs we end up sitting with the old people.
Yes I KNOW I could get up and dance on my own but I'm too insecure to do that in a room full of strangers. And most of them are strangers to me. Plus, by the time the band starts to play I'm usually feeling way too cranky, and resentful of being married to a blob. (A few drinks doesn't hurt to bring on that mood.)

At least this time I won't go in with any expectations of that sort.

The main point is, this part of the family obviously couldn't care less about any of us, and here we are supposed to put in a command performance just because an invitation arrived in the mail.

On the other hand.. it doesn't seem right to use this as an opportunity to take a stand. I just hope I find a way to get the chip off my shoulder by tomorrow night.

But that's not even the main thing I feel put upon by.

The niece and nephew from upstate NY are part of this branch of the family, and are driving into town even as I write this, accompanied by the Demon Spawn and her grandmother - a lovely woman whom I absolutely adore.

These (apart from the grandmother) were occasional houseguests of ours, up until last fall when they were here for several weeks due to the illness and death of nephew's mother (Housemate's sister).
It was pretty stressful for them, and the child who was three at the time was difficult to manage. My kids helped tremendously, becoming her personal indentured servants around the clock.
Eventually, Niece took her home, leaving Nephew here alone for the last few days, saying that the child was "traumatized".
Well she may have been and I know it wasn't meant as a slight to us, but considering that was all the thanks we got, I was annoyed.

On top of that, this all happened less than two weeks after Housemate and I separated and I didn't feel it was appropriate to drop that bomb on them with their mother so gravely ill, so we played house for much of October.

Somehow, it turns out they still don't know, nor does anyone in the family except the brother-in-law and maybe his wife. But they don't talk to each other much so she might not even know.

This bothers me too but it's partly my fault, which bothers me even more. Why should I have to do all the dirty work? It's ridiculous that we're separated well over a year and nobody is aware of it except my friends who aren't cooperating in spreading the word.

Does everybody think I'll eventually come to my senses?
Truth is, I already have, and turning back is not an option.

So the NY people are headed straight for our house, having invited themselves over for the afternoon.
Sure I'd want to see them but I'd rather have been given the opportunity to invite them myself.
But there probably IS no pleasing me in my present mood.
It should pass when the weekend does.


Linque Du Jour:   Ummmm...
Not for the faint of heart, this link. Nor for the humour-challenged.
It just fits with the ambiance of the rest of the entry.



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