February 14, 2002


It's that day again.

I don't have to write a Valentine's Day entry this year - Stephanie did it for me!

Actually she wrote hers as a response to my last one. It's a little late but she didn't have her journal at the time.

Stephanie and I have been exchanging daily emails for about five years. For five years I have tried to make her see the positive side of things; see the silver lining around the cloud; make lemonade out of lemons; you know.

She is not so much of the glass half full persuasion as the
don't admit you have any water in the glass because if you do they'll take it away from you... way of thinking.
Not paranoid where it comes to what other people do but paranoid about the fates.

For some reason when it comes to Feb. the 14th, we've switched roles.

I wrote about the commercialization of love; Stephanie wrote about the importance of it.

I'm seriously conflicted here.
Of course I'd like nothing more than to be inundated with flowers and chocolate and jewelry.
And attention.
I'd love to go out for a romantic dinner; better yet a romantic weekend.
But not because the calendar says so.

I shudder to think of someone shopping for me with the weight of expectations on his mind, but I can't say I'm happy with no acknowledgment at all.

Even my kids decided to ignore it this year; perhaps because of the signals I sent, perhaps (through some weird logic) because I've declared myself separated from their father. I have to add they're loving and affectionate all year round, which is what is most important.
Besides, I really don't need the chocolate.

Of course I didn't expect the Housemate to do anything; not that he did very much at the best of times.

So what do I want?

When I follow that train of thought to its conclusion, I realize that I buy into the same myth that I rebel against every year at this time.
I want someone to find me worthy of a celebration of love... implying that, because there isn't one, I'm not.
I know that isn't so but the voice is there saying, "Why not me?"
Because I married the wrong guy, that's why.

So yeah, a lot of it is sour grapes, but I still stand by my previous entries. It IS too commercialized. It DOES create unrealistic expectations and lead to disappointment. I don't advocate banning it; I do advocate teaching our children how to love, every day, so that the issue will gradually lose its importance in future generations.

Finally, to answer the question of the poor guy that found my previous Valentine entry by searching for

number of roses to get for valentine:

If one is not enough you've got the wrong girl.

Linque Du Jour:   Year-Old Article at ABCNews.com
If you MUST give a gift, here are some suggestions.

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