Ramble and a Couple of Links
Walking through my house, 11 PM Friday night.
Rob is asleep; he gets up before 6 AM for school on weekdays.
Hubby is asleep; he's a morning person.
Mark is awake, judging from the electronic sounds coming from his room; he might emerge to forage for a snack, go to the bathroom, or even play games on another computer. Or he might not.
Rather than feeling lonely, as the above might suggest, I enjoy the quiet. I like that they're home and safe, but at the same time not bothering me!
Sometimes I think I'd like to live alone. I never have. I moved from my parents' home to my husband's (well, to his and mine). Back then, some friends told me I should move out on my own for awhile because if I didn't, I'd be restless later in life.
They were right.
It's not an overpowering regret.. I don't like to waste time regretting things that are unchangeable. I'm probably also not restless enough - yet - to do anything about it.
This isn't the time for making plans, however. This is the time for holding my own and surviving.
And I am.. I'm ok. I'm not wonderful but I'm ok.
My bedtime is gradually creeping forward into the wee hours, which is a good sign.
I'm having more dreams than usual, some of them bad; but the tension has to come out somehow.
I've regained interest in the world and things around me; but I'm still not reading or listening to music as much as usual. Emotional energy is still on the low side.
I've realized that one of the big commitments of my life is over. Beyond the sadness of that is the realization that I'm a little more free than I used to be. I can screw up my life if I want to and there's nobody to answer to.
My husband and children might take issue with that statement.
In a slightly less dramatic vein, I can think about doing something with my life such as volunteering, working, studying, and/or finally tidying up my house.
Don't worry, I won't rush into any hasty decisions, particularly re the latter.
I've also begun to catch up on my journal reading. I've already admitted to being remiss in following even my favourite journals; it's some kind of quirk that I really can't explain. When I do go back I fall in love with them all over again.
This is the third incarnation of Catherine's online journal (that I'm aware of) and while the titles and urls change, the quality doesn't.
I meant to link this one when it started last March:
I especially like the explanation of the title, ("why passive voice?") which is linked on the front page.
I can trot out the usual adjectives, intelligent, articulate, insightful.. but they don't go far enough in communicating what makes this journal special. I think there's a stark honesty in Catherine's work; her writing may (or may not) be "passive" but it's not contrived.
Catherine, please stay around for awhile this time!
Linque Du Jour II:   iLOR.com
Google, dressed up. Makes navigation and organization of results much easier.
Explained in this article in the NY Times, which was reprinted in our local paper, which was how I found it.
Cool and fun to play with!