May 11, 2001

Bad News

Early this afternoon I posted a short update on the log:

My father is a fighter.
He spent yesterday in the cardiac ICU having his heart rate readjusted. He was semi-lucid and breathing very heavily. Last night they thought he was failing so they called me. Hubby and I were at the hospital from about midnight to 3 AM; he stabilized. As of this morning they tell me he's "the same".
I hope there's something down the road worth fighting for besides more suffering.
posted 12:12 PM

About an hour after I wrote that, my father died.
Stepmom and two sisters saw him this morning and said he wasn't responding to them at all. I never did get there today but I think last night was when it mattered. I sat by his side for almost two hours, holding his hand and watching him breathe and cough and mutter. I told him I love him and passed on love messages from his wife and family. He listened, and after each name sort of nodded and said, "uh-huh, uh-huh..."

The doctor who called me today said he went peacefully and in no pain.

Arrangements are being made; documents are being unearthed; people are calling to offer support and sympathy. I'm OK, sort of; I'm glad he was only really ill for a short time and I'm glad we always had a wonderful relationship so there are no lingering issues with this one. I hurt but it's a natural, tolerable hurt.
Soon the healing will begin.

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