April 27, 2000

Day 57

2PM Thursday:

I can say something now I've been longing to say for weeks: Daddy is going home for good tomorrow!

So why am I not ecstatic?

Oh I'm happy he's recovering, happy he's going home, relieved that he'll be there for Stepmom; but something is bothering me. (Not quite sure what, hoping to work it out here.)

I still have stressful dreams.. last night I dreamed Daddy was being wheeled into surgery again and we were saying goodbye. The ghost of that dream is still with me, and of course that doesn't help my mood.

Stepmom has been causing some tension by insisting on going out by herself when she's alone in the mornings, between the time Stepsis leaves for work and the time her lift to the hospital arrives. She contends she's "perfectly capable" and I suppose she is, since she returns safe and sound, but what about the next time? (Assuming Daddy goes home as planned, there won't be a next time!) What worried me is, when she insists on going out, that Daddy will take her even if he doesn't feel up to it rather than let her go alone. I hope she'll be flexible and wait until he's ready.

The local community health nurse is supposed to visit to change Daddy's bandages (the incision is not quite completely healed yet) and told Stepsis she'd be there between Saturday 8 AM and Sunday 8 PM. This does not sit well with my father, who hates having his freedom curtailed. He says he's not waiting for her and he doesn't care if his bandage isn't changed. Sometimes I wish he were my child instead of my parent, so I could pull rank and just lay down the law.

On the good news side.. Stepmom's sister's living arrangements and aging issues are being taken over by her daughter who lives in Florida. This won't make the problem go away immediately but should give Stepmom some peace of mind that at least some action will be taken. This sister constantly phones Stepmom and pours out all her (mostly imagined) problems which Stepmom believes and takes to heart. Then Daddy gets upset and... well it's too much for right now.

All the above is of course minutia (minutiae?) compared to our concerns just weeks ago. It shouldn't occupy so much of my attention and take away from the happiness and relief I should be concentrating on.

7:30 PM:

Feeling somewhat calmer.. having some quiet time with Daddy seems to help for that. Before these last few weeks it had been years since we just sat and talked (or just sat!) just the two of us. Maybe part of what's bothering me is, I feel we've become much closer and I'm afraid of losing him again. It will happen sooner or later and I have even more to lose now than I did before.

Every time I try to turn these thoughts towards the positive, they seem to take a negative turn by themselves. Tomorrow will be better.

*Wave*   Hi to my cousins in New York and California who have been reading to keep up with Daddy's progress. He appreciates your concern, even the one (nameless of course) who never writes or calls... seriously, it's good to see you checking out this site. Hope this doesn't scare you off!

Linque Du Jour: Nesting Peregrine Falcons!

I found this last spring, and it's back! XcelEnergy in Minnesota has nestboxes set up on their smokestacks and it seems the same female birds return every year to lay eggs and raise their babies. The "original" bird, Mae, is in her eleventh year there! The second one they're following, Marie, is in her third. The birds are identified by bands, and the babies are to be banded as well.

By now the eggs have been laid and Mae's have begun to hatch. It should be about six more weeks until the family is ready to fly off for the year and until then I enjoy watching their progress.

During daylight hours (Central Standard Time in North America) the webcams looking into the nests refresh every two minutes. There are links to other raptor information, photo galleries, and the best daily photos.

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