April 23, 2000

Caution: Short, Whiny Entry

10:44 PM Sunday evening:

This whole experience with my father being hospitalized is making a serious dent in my online routine. Previously, I was getting to bed somewhere between 2 and 2:30 AM, and six hours of sleep was plenty; now, I'm exhausted as early as 9 PM, and force myself to stay up until midnight.

It's not a physical exhaustion but a sleepiness. I need eight hours and even those aren't peaceful but are filled with stress dreams. It's worse now than when Dad was in real immediate danger but I think that's natural, somehow.

Dad was home for the weekend and physically it went pretty well. He felt tired but was able to cope in his apartment. He ate well too, liberated from the tyranny of hospital food!

Unfortunately he wasn't able to relax and enjoy just being home because of other family troubles. Stepmom's older sister is undergoing an aging-related problem which is quickly becoming a crisis situation, and she needs Stepmom's shoulder to cry on.. support that Stepmom is willing but not so able to give, as she's already stretched to her limit by Dad's illness and her own memory problems. I can't stand to see Daddy aggravated by this after he's gone through so much. The family is looking for a solution but it's frustrating to be affected by a problem that I (personally) can't do much about.

Sure Daddy should "not let it bother him".. but if he hasn't learned that trick in 84 years, I doubt he will now. He's so much like Younger Son (or vice versa).. they're perfectionists and if one element is out of place their entire day is ruined.

When Dad was so sick in hospital before and for two weeks after his surgery, I would have been ecstatic to know he'd be as well as he is by this time. Yet I'm still worrying now and still fear for him. I want to make everything better, like I could do so often for my kids when they were little.

Linque Du Jour:

Not in the mood, sorry.

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