April 5, 2000

Strange and Stranger

Still a slow but steady pace of recovery for Dad. Still in hospital but maybe not for much longer. He only needs one nurse to pull him to his feet now instead of two. Progress...

Progress enough for me to start breathing again, to notice the world around me beyond what car is likely to cut me off in traffic.

For instance.. as I pulled up to the hospital entrance this morning to drop off Stepmom, I had to smile.. there were at least four people standing outdoors talking to themselves and clutching one hand to their ear. (The use of cell phones is discouraged inside hospitals.. seems they deactivate pacemakers or something like that.)
Imagine a time-traveller from as little as 15 or 20 years ago viewing that scene.. bizarre.

Another strange moment in the "random acts of kindness" category: later, as I was circling for a parking space, a woman walked over to my car and asked if I wanted to take her spot, which was around the corner. Uh, sure, wonderful.. but why did she choose me? Bizarre again.

Then there was the time several weeks ago when I brought in Dad for yet another test (before hospitalization) and just inside the hospital door, an unattended wheelchair awaited us... just like the shopping cart that magically appeared near the elevator when we had to unload his car when he returned from Florida. (Even Dad said then, "Look, God left us a shopping cart!") You can't really NOT take advantage of gifts like those.

I don't consider myself a religious person, in the sense of following an organized religion. But as I get older I seem to be reconnecting with an alternate world that I first glimpsed in my teens, then lost sight of. Perhaps it started when my favourite uncle died, five years ago. He was in my home for a day or two after he died. Not his body, of course, but something was there. I could smell his distinctive odor in my kitchen. I just felt the presence. It was neither scary nor comforting, only somewhat strange. Even now he occasionally pays me a short visit.

I hardly consider anything random anymore. Things happen for reasons, which I might not be able to fathom at the time but are part of an overall plan. I try to grab and hold the positive elements and turn away from the negative ones, and in doing so have managed to acquire a sense of peace. Things usually turn out for the best, if you let them.

That's about all I'm able to put into words about my philosophy at the moment.. I hadn't intended the entry to take that turn although I'd been planning to write about this eventually.

Linque Du Jour: Street Mail by Nancy Birnes

Similar to what goes through my mind. Signs and lessons from the debris of life. And of course beautifully expressed as always in Nancy's work.

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