March 4, 2000

It's Saturday.. I Think..

I really don't know where to start tonight, I'm so full of emotions.

There's still the fear and concern about my father's condition (which hasn't really changed.. he's in hospital; they did a CT scan Friday and will discuss it with us on Monday and I'm still frightened that the results will show something worse and not fixable as this is supposed to be), some anger and resentment as I had a minor skirmish with Hubby when I got home from the hospital today, and floating around in all of that is gratitude, warmth and love.

My two stepsisters who live in New Jersey (about an hour apart from each other) decided to drive in for at least the weekend, maybe longer. When Dad heard that he said, "What, am I dying?" so I gave him a stern lecture to say that they're coming for their mother's sake, to see for themselves her mental state and make whatever arrangements they need while Dad can't look after her. I had the speech all prepared since I knew he'd react like that. Difficult as he is, so am I. (Is that a sentence? Well it is now..)

I also had a satisfying (if frequently interrupted) chat with my local stepsister. Actually she started out as my friend when we moved to this neighbourhood 19 years ago. When my father was widowed and eventually started dating again, we gave him her mother's phone number sort of as a lark, never thinking he'd actually use it, let alone marry her. So we're officially successful matchmakers. Anyway, I hadn't seen this sister for awhile as our paths had diverged quite widely. I think they're about to come together again because I felt a strong connection as we were talking, and intimate thoughts and feelings kept falling out of my mouth. I think she knows something that I need to learn and has experiences that can guide me. (What can I do for her? I'm sure we'll think of something..)

By far the highlight of the day (indeed the year) occurred this evening when Younger Son threw this at me casually, while leaving the room: "Oh by the way, Miranda (friend and sometime girlfriend) says she wishes you were her mother."



"Why, what did her mother do?"

"Nothing, it's because I always brag about how cool you are."

"Son, that's not normal."

I'm still smiling, of course. I don't know what I did right but I'm enjoying it years before I had any right to expect to!

Linque Du Jour: Seeking the Alien Shore

This journal has only been around for a few weeks but it's off to a very good start. The author is a Canadian book and music lover in his early 30's The writing is natural, like falling off a log. Some entries are short poems, others eloquent expressions of emotion, and in between are accounts of grocery store banking experiences and visiting pets (complete with photographs including that of the author whom, if I was 15 years younger and single, I'd be keeping to myself!)

Sometimes I read comments (mostly on the journal listservs) that good "guy" journals are difficult to find. I disagree.. I've found quite a few. Looks like an irregular continuing series of links is in order.

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