Jan. 24, 2000

Dad Update

We've been going for lots of tests and examinations these past two weeks. It seems the prostate cancer is improving.. the blood test is way down and the doctor says it feels smaller.. but Dad has lost weight (27 pounds in two or three months) and feels generally lousy. He has some abdominal pain and cramping which the urologist thinks is bowel-related.

We went for a preliminary test last week, which showed nothing, and tomorrow is the bigger colonoscopy. I hate to see him go through all these exhausting procedures but I suppose there's no way around it.

I still think a large part of it is depression and told his family doctor so, but she said she needs to rule out physical causes first. Fair enough as long as that's done ASAP. Dad will soon be 84, and all he sees is what he can't do anymore, and how his wife is losing her memory, and how all his brothers and sisters and most of his friends are gone, and now he has cancer and can barely shuffle around with a cane. Sure he has every reason to be depressed but that kind of pain has no "gain" associated with it. Just like with physical pain, if there's any way his last months (or whatever) can be made more comfortable, he needs to have it.

Can an antidepressant pill take away all those problems, though? Of course not.. but what it can do is allow you to see beyond them, around them, or through them. You see that the proverbial forest is not all that there is. Summed up in one word.. perspective. At least, that's what the pills did for me.

Does Dad even have a silver lining? In the "it could be worse" category, he does, although that's rarely much of a comfort. Nor is the "count your blessings" category. I guess what I'd like to see is, Dad concentrating on being here now, taking comfort in his family, and somehow achieving some peace of mind. Too much to ask? Probably but I can ask it anyway, and do what I can to help bring it about.

In other news..

Older Son actually registered for evening classes! He's taking two courses that will give him credit towards the Business Administration diploma program that he started last year. He's also cooling things off with the girlfriend. He says he's not ready for a relationship. (Is any man, ever?) I feel bad for her, and it reminds me of the end of my first romance at about the same age, but it's inevitable, as he obviously doesn't return her feelings. It's strange, knowing someone out there regards my baby as a romantic ideal. Very strange.

Linque Du Jour:   emode.com

This is a collection of personal tests, self-described as "the leading human interest testing site on the Internet." There are the usual IQ and relationship tests, and some truly weird ones, such as What Breed of Dog are You, Do You Have the Roommate from Hell (if you do, wouldn't you already know?), Are You Loony (that one gets right to the point!), and Are You a Disgruntled Lawyer. You can if you wish save your results in a "vault" and create charts comparing your results to others. (Personally, I don't want to know!)

Some of the tests are billed as "serious" but I'd say they were for entertainment purposes only. After all, I scored only 33/100 on "Are You an Attention Seeker?" They forgot to ask the question, do you keep an online journal!

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